3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
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She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
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i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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