Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
