Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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