He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
