She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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