Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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