If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
