i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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