dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
