When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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