ugly people sure do ruin things
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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