Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
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she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
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Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special