He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
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I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year