New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Those nachos came to me in a dream