I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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