the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
