hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just found puke in my bra..
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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