I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
