Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
