I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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