I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
there is glitter all over my balls
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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