yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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