I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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