Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
