I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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