Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
