You're completely useless in the revolution.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
