Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
