I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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