I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
