when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
