she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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