We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
