So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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