Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
