You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
