I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
