ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
