can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
