If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
