Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
the condom got lost in my hair
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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