hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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