She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
