R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
