remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
