Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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