I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
