I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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