I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
