so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
