i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
