You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
