don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
