Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
