He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
