i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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