I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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