glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
