Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
