is your mom at the bar?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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