the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
