??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
