I smell stomach acid.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
