Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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