Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
