I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
