so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
