if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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