Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
