I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
