During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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