what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
