I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
