i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize